He Doesn't Know
by Mango Marbles
Summary: Dean is slicing apart souls in Hell, and Sam doesn't know. Sam is drinking demon blood, and Dean doesn't know. Set between Seasons 3 and 4. Cover image courtesy of Tisha P Moon.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Supernatural.

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Knives hold a special place in his heart. Their versatility. The way he can find one of any size and any shape to suit his needs. Just one of the perks of Hell.

One of the perks of upgrading from tortured to torturer.

The first cut was the hardest. His hand shook while Alastair whispered encouragements in his ear with a slightly lisping voice.

Dean was no stranger to the feeling of a knife piercing flesh, but in Hell it never feels the same. There is no moment of hesitation before the flesh gives way. And it isn't flesh. Not really, Dean reminds himself. It's a soul.

And it's a woman this time, who screams and screams for mercy, but Dean's ears are deaf to her pleas. Five years of tearing souls apart bit-by-bit have desensitized him to the begging that goes along with it, though he suspects that he was desensitized to his own begging first.

Dean cried out for Sam.

This woman cries out for a man. Her husband, maybe. A son. A brother.

Dean doesn't know, and he doesn't care anymore. This woman is a stranger to him who must have sold her soul for something along the line. The people she cries out for are strangers to him.

He doesn't know what she sold her soul for, but he can't help feeling it was trivial. He sold his for Sam. He cast himself into Hell so that Sam would come back to the living.

She probably got a nice ten years before the hellhounds came to collect.

He got a single year, doled out like the demon bitch was doing him a favor.

A single year spent with a brother, alive, but frantic to break the deal. To find a way, any way, to undo what Dean did.

He got a tenth of the time this woman did, and it was all for his brother.

So he cuts deeper. He draws it out an extra second. An extra minute. An extra hour.

Her screams become music to his ears, her penance for having ten years for a selfish wish while his time was cut short.

He wants it to hurt more. He wants to do his worst. So Alastair gives him more tools. Anything he can imagine and some things that he never would. He whispers in Dean's ear how good of a student he is. He hints at where Dean should cut, stab, and flay for the most effect. The most pain.

Alastair guides him through the path to becoming a demon, though he doesn't know which step comes after being a torturer. He doesn't know how long it will be until his eyes bleed black and he'll be just another thing for Sam to hunt.

But Sam's still alive, and that's his only comfort. Sam walking and breathing and wonderfully alive back topside.

And Sam doesn't know the monster he's become.

* * *

He tried opening the Devil's Gate again, hoping that Dean would climb out of it like their dad had. He tried making deals with demons at every crossroads he found, but they all laughed at him. They didn't want his soul over his brother's soul.

He leaves a trail of bottles of Jack everywhere he goes. The days pass in blurs that he can't really remember. Bobby leaves voicemail after voicemail on his phone until he finally chucks it out of the window when he drives over a bridge, the splash as it collides with the water too distant for him to hear.

It's a miracle he doesn't drive into any trees or poles.

It's even more of a miracle that he doesn't drive himself off of a cliff, but Dean is in Hell because of him, so he should at least live because his life is the reason Dean sold his soul.

Ruby finds him in time to save him, but he doesn't really want to be saved. She offers him vengeance and whispers in his ear that he can save Dean, if he lets her help him.

It goes against every hunter instinct he has, but her presence becomes a constant. She teaches him everything she knows about demons, and a little bit about witchcraft.

They start with meditation, and when his visions become regular occurrences, Ruby is nearly beside herself with joy.

They're doing good work, she assures him. They can save Dean this way, once he's strong enough. They can kill Lilith and bust Dean out of Hell. He doesn't have to stay there, and it's Sam's turn to save him after all.

And he drinks in her words, until soon he's drinking her blood, willingly offered up and trickled into his mouth.

The first drink is the hardest. The first taste is of metal and sulfur. He gags and almost throws up, but Ruby praises him when he doesn't. When it stays in his stomach like a lead weight.

He drinks anything he can get his hands on until he can't remember his own name, but the taste refuses to be washed away.

He can't deny the surge of power it gives him, especially once Ruby teaches him to feel demons in their meat suits. When she teaches him to pull them out without uttering a word and leave the person they possessed alive and well.

He starts craving the blood. Sips turn to gulps to mouthfuls to never enough. Sulfur never tasted so sweet.

Ruby starts fearing he'll drink every drop of blood she has, so she drains some from every demon they exorcise before they exorcise it until Sam has his own stockpile of blood ready to be served at a moment's notice.

She coos and praises. He's doing so well. He's getting so close. He'll see Dean again so, so soon.

But it's not soon enough, so Sam drinks more blood until he doesn't feel quite human anymore because Dean's been gone for too long and the image of him torn apart by hellhounds won't leave Sam's mind.

When he wipes his mouth, his hand comes back stained red. Some days he's certain that he consumes more blood than food or water. Most days he's certain he drinks more blood than the average vampire. But vampires drink it to survive. Sam drinks to thrive.

Ruby encourages each sip and says it's another step closer to reaching Dean in a place that sometimes feels unreachable, but Sam believes her. He'll believe anything at this point.

Dean is suffering because of him. Dean is burning in Hell and it's all his fault. He needs to save Dean or die trying. He needs to set it all right again.

He doesn't know how long it will take him to fully cross the line and become another supernatural freak meant to be hunted. He doesn't know what comes after pulling Dean from The Pit, but as long as Dean comes back alive and mostly sane, he doesn't care.

And Dean doesn't know the monster he's become.

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 **Author's Note:** Another one-shot? Uh, maybe. I couldn't resist. I have so many half-written one-shots and multi-chapter story outlines for Supernatural, I think I might have a problem. But I refuse to let any story that I post go unfinished. To those who follow _Leave Normal Alone_ , I promise that I am currently working on the next chapter and hope to have it ready for posting within the next few days.

In the meantime, please take a moment and leave a review! They always make my day.


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